How often have you wanted to change other people so they’d be better?
Have you ever noticed it’s hard to change habitual behavior? As a pastor, leader, and life coach, my mission is to help people achieve positive change in behavior: for themselves, their family, and their leadership teams.
Research shows that successful people, who embrace change, have a strong sense of self-determination. Simply put, their mindset says, “I am doing, what I am doing because I choose to, not “I am doing what I am doing because I have to.”
Since I help people embrace and navigate change, I wrestle with the tension change brings to individuals and organizations. I hear it all the time: “I want to grow. I just don’t want to change.” How do you respond when people want to grow, but not change?
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit
What Keeps People From Changing
There’s one reason: resistance. Resistance is part of the human condition. If it were easy to change, then everyone would change in a heartbeat. Why do we resist? We resist because change is scary. Changing involves moving into unknown territory. For some, it’s downright scary going to a place you’ve never been before. What do you do when you encounter people who resit change? The most effective approach is to meet the resistance with tremendous compassion.
How Do You Respond When People Won’t Change
When people don’t want to change, you control what’s controllable. What’s controllable are our attitudes, actions, and your responses. Focus on that.
What we can change:
- Our Response to their actions. Although we cannot force them to change, we can instead find something to be grateful for about them. We can change our expectations of them, and meet their resistance with compassion.
- Our Prayers for them. Instead of wanting them to change, we can pray that God continues to keep and protect them while they navigate the road of change.
If we focus on these two things, instead of trying to change people, we will be much happier. And our relationship with others will be much better. Isn’t that worth the effort?
